I'm jealous of your bromance
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
