Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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