Sorry, I don't speak sober.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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