It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
did i just pee glitter
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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