I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
