I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
