i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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