his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
