I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
