Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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