Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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