so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
