Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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