Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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