I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
