If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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