I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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