My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
