i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
