sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
