Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
