Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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