i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
