We're facebook friends in real life
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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