RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
