If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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