when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So vagazzling was a success
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
