My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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