And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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