Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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