I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
