You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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