Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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