Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
