So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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