I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
