Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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