If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Randomize