We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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