I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
