just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
