dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
