dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
