took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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