Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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