She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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