guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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