I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
