This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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