I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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