So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
