season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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