You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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