I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
