Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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