like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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