Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
