no, he came in my armpit
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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