he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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