Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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