He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
