i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
