just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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