i permit you to call me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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