This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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