She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
