batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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