Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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