Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
