Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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