help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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